Life as an emergent property (this is what comes from attending a writer’s conference by day while taking biology in the evenings – an exhausting muddled twisting of lexicon and ideas). But, these last 10 days at the Yale Writer’s Conference have been very good.
The fear of exposure, of presenting myself to strangers, has not killed me as I felt it must, or at least, in all fairness-should. We never die of the things we ought to: anguish, heartbreak, doubt…why don’t they kill us more easily?
It is hard to know the worth of something. I tend to undervalue; a disposition that extends into my own self worth or perhaps was born there. I possess an impressive talent for finding evidence with which to confirm my self-estimations. Spending time with lots of talented and smart writers, teachers, and people…it is hard not to be encouraged. That’s worth something.
Meeting so many people all at once I wonder what the newly formed bonds are: weak hydrogen bonds or covalent bonds? I’ve lost faith in bonds, declared or otherwise- until tested one doesn’t really know the true strength, I learned that the hard way. But it doesn’t matter in this case, the stimulation and inspiration is enough. It’s the ability to imagine our own worth.